When I'm 34...

So, today is October 26th. My birthday. But, if you know anything about me, you know--or should know that I celebrate all month long. There are just so many things that I love about October. I am so thankful to be an October baby.

The last few days have been so very special. Over the weekend, my best friend surprised me. We watched football together, we ate, we laughed, and she gave me the most beautiful spoon bracelet. The charm was so fitting of her, as it is a mermaid, so I never have to question who it was from.

I had lunch with my parents today, and that is always a special time. Every year, for as long as I can remember, my mom has shared bits and pieces of my birth story with me. Every birth is a miracle, yes. But, me? I am a special one. The fact that she and I are both alive today is a true testament to the fact that Christ is, indeed, the sustainer of all life. I gave my mom pink roses this morning. Pink. I am a girl, and it is my favorite color. Pink. A color my mom said she never cared for until she had a little girl, and then her world just EXPLODED with pink. :) I got a pink food processor today, guys! Seriously. I love pink.

Tonight, my dear friend, Andrew, took me out to dinner. He gave me some of my favorite perfume. I only wear it on special occasions, so it should last me a while. Andrew said that his birthday wish for me was to find someone who treats me like the princess I am, so that I can wear the perfume every day. That is one of the nicest things I have heard in a long time.

It is so nice to feel loved. I got a precious card from my Pen Pal, and the 34 is backwards. So precious. I am so thankful that little hands remembered me on my birthday, and love me enough to write me notes weekly. Fayelle, Naomi is my heart. :)

I got so many well wishes today via social media, and it made me stop and think. Each of you who wished me a happy day has known me in different seasons of my life. Whether I talk to you guys on the regular, or whether it's seasonal, I am thankful to know each of you...

Abide With Me

The first thing I thought about when I awoke this morning, after realizing another day was among us, was that it was October 18th. A short week ago, I wrote about just how special October 12th is, and how/why I don't look at that day the same way anymore. The same can be said for the 18th. Five years ago, my precious "Itty Bitty" nephew, Fourth, left this earth.

I remembered that this morning. I was flooded with memories as I sipped my morning coffee, and my phone alerted me that my TimeHop app had alerts for me. One of those alerts was a pleaful prayer from the very pit of my soul that I said. "Dear God, sustainer of all life, help us." It is helpful to have that reminder, even in the midst of heart shattering circumstances. It is the mercy of Christ that sustains us. Breath by breath. In the good times. In the bad times. He is our only hope in this life and the next.

The hymn, "Abide With Me," has always struck a chord deep within my soul, but especially Because of Fourth.

"....In life and death, Lord, abide with me."

Come, Lord Jesus. Make all things new.

Five Years of Love...and counting...

Five years ago, I learned that I was going to become an aunt. I was SO excited. I had decided that I was going to be a cool aunt. That IS what aunts are, right? An extension of a parent, yet JUST removed enough to be cool? :) I could totally picture telling my little niece or nephew all sorts of rhymes, little songs, all about what makes him/her special, I could picture everything.

A problematic pregnancy brought Fourth into this world far too early. October 12. My first thought? He was born on an anniversary that I share with my mom. It has been a long standing anniversary since 1990. This precious boy was born on a special day! The second thing I thought of? He's my birthday month buddy! I could now tell him all the wonderful things I like about October, and add to the aforementioned list of what makes him special: You were born in my favorite month. Oh, the joy that filled my heart.

I looked at his tiny body at the hospital, and I saw a perfect little baby. He had the sweetest little face, the cutest little nose, the tiniest of hands and feet, but everything was perfect. I looked at him, and I remember thinking, "My God is REAL, and He is mighty." There is just something about looking into the face of a baby that makes me feel like I am looking into the face of God. It is awe inspiring.

I never thought precious Fourth wouldn't live. You see, I was born early. I beat the odds. I just knew that was something he and I would share.

Only God knows why He chose to give our family this precious baby, only to take him back a short six days later. When I think of Fourth now, I think of him as a happy baby being cradled in the breast of Jesus. Perhaps that is silly or inacurrate, but I like to think that Jesus cradles His covenant children.  As deep of a hurt as it was to not only lose a nephew, but watch my brother and his wife lose their first born, and not being able to do anything to lessen their pain, I find comfort in knowing we will be reunited again. Fourth is in the hands of the One who holds all who know, trust and believe in Him.

Happy Birthday, sweet Fourth. Aunt JuJu loves you so deeply.

What Children Can Teach Us

One of my best friends from college is a mom of two PRECIOUS souls. Her oldest, Naomi, has captured my my heart from the time I learned my friend was expecting her. I can only IMAGINE what Fayelle feels. <3

Over the years, Naomi has been my valentine. I have tiny hands on my refridgerator, I have drawings of the two of us in a special place.

A few weeks back, I decided I was going to adopt her as my little person to love. A second "niece," if you will. This girl, whom I haven't even met, has the sweetest things to say.  The other day, I received  mail from her, and the outside of the envelope was just too much for me to handle. :) "I love you so MOCH!" MOCH. Stop it. Oh, the sweetness. 

Oh, the life of a child. The innocence is just so perfect. They see no wrong in the world. They love everyone for who they are. Why must we lose sight of this as we age? Children love as Christ loves. No questions asked. Oh, to have that love again. Time makes us cynical. Experiences make us jaded.

I wish loving people were this easy. There are people in my own life where I am just like, "I just don't  like them." If I don't like them, it makes loving them damn near impossible, and yet, we are commanded to. Ugh. Makes me want to stomp my foot and say, "No! I don't wanna!" Love and forgiveness don't come easily. Rome wasn't built in a day. Baby steps. *Grumble*